At Hopeful Monsters Mart, "The Curse of the Funnel" sits innocently enough on a shelf but every marketer parent knows it’s more than a bedtime story. By day, kids giggle over the spooky funnel that gobbles up silly characters, but by night, their marketer parents eye it with a shiver.

Even Marti from accounts swears she heard a faint whisper saying, “optimise or perish.” The brave who read it to the end claim they’re haunted by thoughts of never-ending conversion rates - but the kids? They just call it “the best bedtime story ever.”

Coming In Spring 2025.

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